I went on a walk with my girl (who just got out of the hospital…again) and saw these lovely leaves sprouting from the side of a tree.
It made me think:
Sometimes new growth is just a beautiful as flowers. 
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The thought nearly took my breath away. Everything we thought we’d be doing right now (her swimming, me finishing writing a book) never came to pass.
And so we’re doing other things, trying to plan a new path. I’ve been stuck mourning the life we lost that I haven’t taken the time to see the new areas that are good.
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure what those things are quite yet, but I’m choosing to believe that they’re good…and just as beautiful as the flowers we would have produced.
Have you ever watched The Potter: Reflections of a Master Artisan by David Blakeslee? It moved me to tears and is the current hope I’m clinging to. There are two sessions. (I saw it through Right Now Media). Your situation reminded me of the kiln scene. Prayed for you last night. Hugs.
I haven’t seen it. But I have access to Right Now. I’ll have to check it out. Is it something my girl might like too?
Your faith is great as you are choosing to believe it is good and just as beautiful. I’m not there now, but thank you for the encouragement. Blessings to you!
Leigh, give me a minute and I might not have the strength to choose to believe. And that’s ok. It’s something I’ve had before in my life and I’ll have again. It’s part of being human. It’s part of grief and expectations and just not being all-knowing. There have been a million times in this process when I wanted a physical representation of God so I could smack him and tell him he wasn’t doing it right.
I honestly don’t know what I would do if my daughter had actually died one of the two times she nearly did. I can’t see my way through that and I’m trying really hard not to think about the folks that have lost their kids. I just can’t get my head around it. If I linger there too long, I might drop into the abyss. Maybe in a few months I can hash that out, but not now.
I don’t know what you’re going through, Leigh. I don’t know where you are in your journey and I won’t pretend to. Just know that I care and that it’s ok to be wherever you are.