I’m sitting on my deck, overlooking the woods, a cool breeze shifts through make the leaves bow and rise, bow and rise . . . almost as if they’re nodding in agreement with the chill in the air–change is coming.
And it isn’t just the movement that reflects coming winter, it’s in the shifting of colors–shading from green to red to brown. And I can’t help contemplating change and coming to the end of things.
Have you noticed that fall trees give a master class in making the end of something beautiful?
It’s something I’m trying to do right now–making the end beautiful.
This fall has been a series of massive changes for my family:
- You all know that we brought our daughter to college in August and
- our son is now a freshman in high school,
- but last Friday was also my last day working for a company I’ve worked for for 25 years. It’s literally a lifetime I’m saying goodbye to. I’m excited because it means more time for my family and more tonight for my writing. But it absolutely feels like a death.
While I want to handle this change like the brilliant sugar maples, I fear that I am more like the trees slowly fading to brown. Ugly, boring, slightly weepy brown. Do you relate?
But just as I think that, my son reminds me how much I like walking in the crisp brown leaves. I love the sharp crackle. The feeling of a slight resistance . . . perhaps brown isn’t so terrible after all
So when I get stuck in fear or sadness, I take on a few strategies:
- BREATHE. Purposeful breath is fantastic for grounding and making me hold on a hot second.
- Look at it. Shame and fear thrive in darkness. But if I turn and look at things with curiosity, it opens me up to why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling and it gives me the opportunity to be gracious toward myself.
- Get thankful. I think of one or two things I’m grateful for. It shifts my focus.
- Make progress. I find one SMALL thing I can do to take a step forward. I give myself permission to not do everything. Instead I do a tiny thing. Clean for 5 minutes. Write one email. Make a to do list for tomorrow.
What about you? What strategies do you have for overcoming fear, shame, and sadness during change?
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You’re on the right track, my friend. It takes the ugly to recognize the beautiful. It takes the death of one thing to recognize what is being birthed in another. Obedience is frightening and beautiful all at the same time. And it is never easy. Why do we let ourselves be lulled into thinking that following our God is going to always be a bed of roses without the accompanying prick of thorns? Big, tight hugs to you, in this new season of transitions. They are so necessary for our growth, but so difficult to stretch through. You’re reaching for things yet unfulfilled, with a sense of anticipation, rather than dread. Keep stretching out those feet to touch the leaves on the trees as you swing higher-they’re not so far out of reach as you once thought.
With you in solidarity my friend…changes are happening here too and while some I’m hopeful for, some I mourn like you did. I will have to remember to look at it because “ Shame and fear thrive in darkness” and if that isn’t the most beautiful truth I don’t know what is.
Change is hard, for sure. Thank you for sharing some excellent tips.
I’ve been going through a lot of changes too. What’s helped me is remembering that God’s plans are good even though change is hard. I’ve also remembered who I am and what’s important in my life, because I’m secure in Christ no matter how things are shifting. I’ll be praying for you in this season!
Before my husband died I knew I’d be facing a huge change. The docs gave him 3 mnths but the Lord gave us 1 year & 3 mnths! And as I cared for his needs, he used to sing to me “Don’t cry for me, Rita darling” (Argentina) I assured him I’d only cry in private. And right then I also learned to cry silently.
When he went to be with Jesus, I was at such a loose end that even with a years’ warning I was totally unprepared. But I asked the Lord to help me believe He was in control, so whenever I feel uncertain about the future, I march around the big living room singing whatever comes to mind (in between sobs which have since passed.) That cheers me as I know where Georgie is & I’d see him again. So marching around somewhere private & singing great Christian songs is my way in facing a scary change. And sure enough, the Lord has used my experience so that I can now use my fabric art & share with other women . . .